Fed Up

So, time for a moan. I've had enough, nothing is straightforward in my life. Simple things that most people take for granted are such a struggle for me, namely breathing and being allowed to work.

I've just deleted a messy explanation of the work situation. I don't want to talk about it, I can't be bothered to talk about the details and background. Basically, I've got a month to get another job. Every job I go for is either ruled out by Occupational Health or they write a report which includes the helpful statements "I can't guarantee her attendance at work" and "she may need unscheduled breaks to use her nebuliser". Would you give me the job if you read that? I certainly wouldn't! It's not even as if I've got loads of clinical skills/experience which is going to give me an advantage in getting a job. 
Anyway, Occupational Health have stated that they think it's unlikely I'm going to get another job by the deadline, and will be going on to recommend retirement on medical grounds. How many times do I need to fight this? I don't want to give up work. I don't think I'm 'sick' enough to have to give up work. I don't want to have to navigate the benefit system. I remember saying when I was allowed back to nursing this time, if it doesn't work out then I'll give up and accept I can't work. Now I'm back in that position and I still can't/won't accept it.

My lungs are very unhappy lately. The heat definitely isn't helping, I spend my days sat inside with the fan on, and only go out in the evenings when it's started to cool down. I've got myself signed off sick from work, partly because I really can't be bothered with work taking into account everything I've written above, partly because it's so hot on the wards that it makes my lungs even unhappier, and partly because the non clinical role I'm doing isn't that important that anyone even misses me when I'm not there. 

I really feel that I'm heading for a hospital admission. I've felt this way for a week or so, but I'm trying my hardest to avoid it. It's my Nan's funeral, and I can't afford to go into hospital and miss out on potential jobs to apply for or interviews. Then there is the time of year to take into consideration, in a couple of weeks the baby junior doctors are released from university to start their first jobs in the hospital, I don't really want to be a patient then!!

Okay, I've got my moan and whine out. Time to stop feeling sorry for myself and think of a plan of some sorts. Having a plan always makes me feel better.