I'm winning!

Well this is a long overdue post, and finally I have something good to write about!


I had to travel to London for a hearing to decide whether I could return to working as a nurse. To cut a very long story short, although this whole nightmare isn't over, I've been given the go ahead to go back to nursing!!!! I've been off for 4 years so I need to get myself on a Return to Practice course before being allowed to return to my old job. I'm happy with that, it's only a 4 month course, and will help update me but also help me with gaining back my confidence. I've applied to start a course in January, so now I'm just waiting to hear about that :) :)


This hearing was the reason I was so desperately trying to keep myself out of hospital, that I mentioned in my last post. Since my last post I've had a further hospital admission, but I know that was caused by me stressing myself out over the hearing. Even though my lungs have been a complete nightmare over the past few months, I'm not overly concerned that they're bad enough to stop me from working. The prophylactic Doxycycline seems to be helping, and now this period of stress is over, I'm hoping that I can get these lungs behaving themselves again. Well, as behaved as they're ever going to be!!


So there we have it, 4 years of seemingly never ending stress, worry and fighting has finally started to pay off :) Now, I just need these lungs of mine to cooperate with me just a little, to calm down as they're still on the twitchy side.......


Methotrexate has been brought up yet again as a potential drug to try, I don't know anyone who has been on Methotrexate for asthma, so if anyone has any input/advice/experience, I'd be very grateful to hear what you have to say!!!!!

Tomorrow

I go back to work!! I'm absolutely dreading it, but I know it will be fine once I'm there. Over the past few nights I've been dreaming about it, not quite nightmares but they've been pretty horrible dreams. I wouldn't have said I was particularly worried about returning to work but I guess my anxieties have been manifesting themselves in my dreams. I'm only there for 3 hours and I think it'll be that way for a week for so, then I'll gradually build up to full time hours.
I got fed up of the lack of communication so emailed everyone I could think of last Friday to push them along. I'm now wondering why I did that when I could have sat quietly at home and been forgotten about, but I KNOW it will be fine once I'm there. Once I've walked into the office and spoken to a few people, it will be fine *repeats to self*

I was thinking earlier that this has come at an inconvenient time considering the state of my stupid lungs right now. I've had to whack the Prednisolone back up to 60mg, which I'm really not happy about but I was even unhappier with my sats of 88% and potentially needing to go back into hospital!
Then I thought some more about this; my 'good' days are definitely less and and less. (Just to say, I know that my bad days are nothing compared to some other people). Over the past year and a bit I've learnt how to manage my asthma better, well better than I was anyway! One example; if I can't sleep during the night then I'll sleep during the day - my lungs tend to settle down at about 7am after a rubbish night. Chronic lack of sleep due to horrible lungs generally comes before I get to the point of needing hospital.
Once I'm back at work, obviously I can't do this. I'm worried that things like this are going to cause a problem with my drive to remain working rather than be unable to work for health reasons. I guess there is no point in worrying about that now though!!

Anyway, I didn't get out of bed until after midday for the reasons I mentioned above, so my chances of getting to sleep at a decent hour in preparation for getting up by 7am aren't looking too great right now.
It will be fine. It will be fine.