Sunday, 21 October 2012

Can I call someone for you?

I doubt it will come as a surprise to read that I've been in hospital. I did manage almost 7 months without an admission, which is good going for me! It was the usual story of struggling for hours before going in, I promised myself that I wouldn't let it get too bad before seeking help, unfortunately I don't seem to get that 'in between stage'. I go from being at a level where I can manage and don't feel the need to be in hospital, straight to being in a life threatening attack. I used my Epi Pens for the first time, I used both in the time it took for the ambulance to arrive, I'm not sure whether they helped but they certainly didn't make things any worse!

I was in hospital for 8 days, this time my lungs just wouldn't settle down and they're still very twitchy now which isn't great! During one severe attack, the ICU registrar and consultant reviewed me, they decided I had a Pulmonary Embolism (PE), arranged for an emergency CTPA at 2am..... and it was negative. I could have told them that! It's not the first time a PE has been queried as my asthma doesn't always follow the typical pattern. I narrowly managed to avoid being admitted to ICU twice on this admission :(

Anyway, at numerous times during this admission when I was poorly and really struggling to breathe, the nurses looking after me at those points kept offering to call someone for me. Was there anyone I wanted to be called to come in and sit with me? For them to be aware that I was poorly again? Someone just to be there for me? I kept saying no. I think the nurses thought I didn't want to be a nuisance to anyone, the truth is, there wasn't anyone. I don't have anyone to call. It's not as if this is a new situation, but I guess it hit home a little harder this time. 
My family, well the nurses could call my family but they wouldn't do anything, they wouldn't appreciate the late night/early morning phone call though! 
Friends, (and I'm talking about friends who live in this area so are able to come to the hospital), they don't even come and see me during regular visiting hours, so I don't think I can rely on them to come when I'm poorly, just to be there and support me.
Usually, the respiratory specialist nurses come and see me daily when I'm admitted. I'm pretty sure the senior respiratory nurse specialist was away last week as I didn't see her around on the ward. I saw other specialist nurses visiting other patients on the ward, but they either didn't realise I was in or were too busy to say hello.
As much as I used to complain about the people I used to work with, they'd always come and visit me. The people I work with now only contact me outside of work if they want to get a lift from me.

I know I'm whining. Usually when I've been in hospital I feel sorry for myself because I've been very poorly. This time, it's because I feel so alone. 


  1. Aw this makes me really sad to read but i can also identify with that situation because i feel exactly the same whenever i'm in hospital. It's not the same, i'm never as unwell as you are, but it is definitely a time where you realise how lonely you feel :(

    I wish i lived closer, you know i'd have visited (plus we'd spend loads of time together!!!).

    I don't know what to say, other than you're not whining - far from it. Let's have that phone date this week eh? - you went to extreme measures to get out of it last week but i won't let you pull the same trick twice :p


  2. I wish You good and fast going back to full health. Greetings from Poland.