Saturday, 6 October 2012

Long time, no update.....

Hello! I've been thinking about writing something for a while but things haven't been going so well lately, I don't want to moan and whine and moan and whine - even I get fed up of myself!

I'm settled into my new home. It's great, I love living here! :) I've got a few more pieces of furniture to buy, but they're just little non essential storage pieces so I'm waiting until I find things that I really like rather than making do. It has been ever such hard work all this furniture shopping ;) ha!

So, a common theme for me to ramble on about; lungs and work.

First the good, I've finished my Return to Practice course. I'm now waiting for the results of my work, I know my assignment is fine but I have no idea whether my clinical practice portfolio is the same standard - I absolutely hate writing reflective accounts! Hopefully I should get my PIN number back soon and I can be a 'real' nurse again.

My stupid lungs are creating havoc. If I didn't have my own nebuliser, I'd have had to give in and go to hospital by now. Initially I thought I had a chest infection brewing as I had my usual warning signs; headache that doesn't respond to any medication and a temperature. But my lungs have continued to get worse and the more typical signs of infection haven't appeared, so I don't think I do have an infection after all. I have no idea what is going on, and upping my medication and getting lots of rest isn't helping. Not good :(

Work isn't going too well. I've had to phone in sick a few times, which I absolutely hate doing. But, on the days I haven't phoned in sick and forced myself in despite not feeling great, I end up having to use my nebuliser multiple times during the day, and come the end of the day I have an awful headache bordering on a migraine, and my lungs are so unhappy that they then play up all night and into the next day :(
The comments from my colleagues and matron have started; how impractical it is for a nurse to leave the ward to use a nebuliser (even though 9 times out of 10 I do it during my breaks!!) and such like. Sympathy seems to be waning - not that I want their sympathy, but people seemed to understand that I was trying to continue working but struggling, whereas now I feel they look at me like I'm a nuisance. I appreciate that I might be making this into a bigger deal than it actually is as I'm feeling so down right now.
There was a management meeting about me last week, I only became aware when I was told it had been rearranged, the sister thought I had known about. I asked if I could attend to be told no. Outcome of it (as I was told) is that I'm being referred to Occupational Health (who I have to see every 3 months anyway) as there are 'concerns' about my fitness to work. Here we go again. This is what happened before. Seriously, who would have thought it would be so difficult to continue working?!?!


  1. Oh no Dawn i'm so sorry it's all starting again :(It seems the NHS whom you would understand illness are the worst at dealing with it :( Hope occupational health are more compasionate xx

  2. I know it's hard Hun but maybe it's not the right job for you anymore? I say this with the upmost love and understanding, I've been there myself and it took me a long time to realise I couldn't carry on. In which time I had let my health get far worse. Possibly you could carry on nursing but in a different area, maybe something that requires less walking and aggravating you lungs, a GPs? Xxx

  3. Thank you Elli. I know you understand too well the issues surrounding working for the NHS with an illness! I seem to have a better relationship with occupational health now than I did years ago, so hopefully they will help this time.... :) xx

    Kirstie, I think you're right :( I've suggested moving to somewhere different to work, there are so many nursing roles in the hospital that hopefully I can find something less demanding which suits me better. It has been hard to admit that ward based nursing might be too much for me now, I think I'll feel better about it all when I know what will happen. Thanks hun :) xx