Wednesday, 30 March 2011


feel free not to read this, I'm just so fed up that I need to get it out!

Todays plans were to go for a short walk, dye my hair, and make soup. Considering I only managed to get out of bed at 2pm, it's looking unlikely that I'm going to manage any of them.

I hate hate hate hate hate my horrible lungs. After an entire night of wheezing, coughing, using inhalers, sitting upright, dozing for about 10 minutes a time, oxygen sats of 82% - 90%, I feel awful :( I'm tachycardic, thanks salbutamol, but I've got to the point where the shakes no longer effect me (does that happen to anyone else? You have so much that you go past the shakes?? I get the shakes with back to back nebs, but not otherwise)

I've had the discussion with my consultant many times over having a home neb. He always refuses, he says if I need a neb I should go to hospital immediately as my asthma has a tendancy to rapidly deteroriate. He thinks I'm not responsible enough, if I had a home neb then I'd stay at home until I became very poorly.
But I don't go to hospital unless I feel my life is in danger, I just make do with my inhaler and spacer, which I've heard numerous times is as good as a neb, but I really don't think that it is!!
Maybe if I did call an ambulance every time I needed a neb, then he'd see my point, but I really really really try to avoid hospital/999 calls until I get to the point of knowing I need medical attention otherwise I'm in trouble.
I guess that statement might prove that my consultant is right, I am irresponsible when it comes to my asthma. I wouldn't let anyone else get away with what I do, but I'm different, I'll always be fine *roll eyes* then I have a shock which proves I'm not invincible and start to take care of myself, but then slowly revert back to my stupid ways. I'm incredibly blasé when it comes to my asthma, it frustrates other people, and at times frustrates me as I know in the past I've let myself get into dangerous situations because I should have acted sooner.

Anyway, after being sat down for an hour, my sats are 93%. See they're improving, I don't need to worry. (and before anyone says anything, I've always dropped my sats when my asthma plays up, I've had investigations but we're still not sure why it happens, it's not typical for an asthmatic, but it's typical for me. I was once sat in resus with sats of 78% but I really didn't feel too bad!!)

My chest is tight, my back hurts, my head hurts, my peak flow is 180 and as soon as I move to get a drink I become breathless and my sats drop, so as long as I stay here, sitting down, I should be okay. Just for the record, if I become worse then of course I will call an ambulance, I don't want to die, but I know my own body, as it starts to ease off I should be okay, until it starts over again then I'll have to reassess.

Meh. I guess it could be worse. I'm just feeling very sorry for myself. I've got an appointment with my consultant on Monday so I'll see what he has to say.


  1. Ive heard that argument from doctors so many times and I just don't buy it. You're a grown up, you know how much your body can handle.

    I don't know the particulars of your asthma, but it sounds pretty severe. If a neb helps you, you should definitely get one. If your doctor won't write the prescription for the meds, find another doctor. You can buy the actual nebulizer cheap on EBAY OR

    Assuming you had a nebulizer, it still sounds like your asthma is not under control. Either that, or your asthma is much more severe than your doctors think.

    You should be seeing a pulmonologist who specializes, or has a passion for treating severe asthmatic.

    Hope you feel better!

  2. Hi Stephen, I do see a respiratory consultant who, to be fair, is great. I'd just be happier with a home neb, I think it would make life so much easier for me, but hey ho, I guess I can't have everything I want lol!
    I don't really want to see a different consultant, but there has been talk of referring me to a hospital that specialises in treated respiratory disorders, so I think I'll get by and see what happens.
    My diagnosis is difficult/severe/brittle asthma(seems to be a different one each time but I gather they all mean the same?!). I think that maybe because I'm not constantly in and out of hospital, the doctors forget how bad it used to be. It's still not great, but I'm just better at keeping myself out of hospital!
    Anyway, thanks for your comment :) Hope you're well!