Tuesday, 31 May 2011


I go back to work!! I'm absolutely dreading it, but I know it will be fine once I'm there. Over the past few nights I've been dreaming about it, not quite nightmares but they've been pretty horrible dreams. I wouldn't have said I was particularly worried about returning to work but I guess my anxieties have been manifesting themselves in my dreams. I'm only there for 3 hours and I think it'll be that way for a week for so, then I'll gradually build up to full time hours.
I got fed up of the lack of communication so emailed everyone I could think of last Friday to push them along. I'm now wondering why I did that when I could have sat quietly at home and been forgotten about, but I KNOW it will be fine once I'm there. Once I've walked into the office and spoken to a few people, it will be fine *repeats to self*

I was thinking earlier that this has come at an inconvenient time considering the state of my stupid lungs right now. I've had to whack the Prednisolone back up to 60mg, which I'm really not happy about but I was even unhappier with my sats of 88% and potentially needing to go back into hospital!
Then I thought some more about this; my 'good' days are definitely less and and less. (Just to say, I know that my bad days are nothing compared to some other people). Over the past year and a bit I've learnt how to manage my asthma better, well better than I was anyway! One example; if I can't sleep during the night then I'll sleep during the day - my lungs tend to settle down at about 7am after a rubbish night. Chronic lack of sleep due to horrible lungs generally comes before I get to the point of needing hospital.
Once I'm back at work, obviously I can't do this. I'm worried that things like this are going to cause a problem with my drive to remain working rather than be unable to work for health reasons. I guess there is no point in worrying about that now though!!

Anyway, I didn't get out of bed until after midday for the reasons I mentioned above, so my chances of getting to sleep at a decent hour in preparation for getting up by 7am aren't looking too great right now.
It will be fine. It will be fine.


  1. How's it been going back to work? Are you managing? Do your employers understand your needs, and that you will most likely be tired a lot of the time because of the asthma and lack of sleep? I do hope they're sympathetic to the situation and adaptable to your needs. I've been thinking of you.

    Take care,

    P.S. I'm having problems leaving comments from my google account, for some reason, hence the anonymity

  2. It's going well thanks, Becky. Thank you for the thoughts, they're much appreciated :) My employers are more scared of my asthma than understanding, last time I was in work I went into respiratory arrest on them before help arrived. I've arranged with my respiratory nurses to come over to do some 'education', and they'll going to make sure to include things like I'm likely to be tired, and may need to come in late some days if I'm having a particularly bad morning.... so hopefully that will help :) xx

  3. That all sounds great. How wonderful of your resp nurse to do that for you too, and also excellent that your employers are open enough to accespt the offer.