Thursday, 17 May 2012

Normality is so underrated

Life is going well, I thought it would be nice to make a positive blog post for a change rather than only writing an update when I have something to whine about!

Today, I realised that I feel well, I'd go as far as to say that I feel good. I appreciate that probably sounds like a strange thing to say. You see, I think I've become so used to feeling wheezy/breathless/tired/okay as long as I don't do too much, that I forget that it's not 'normal' to feel that way. There was a time, not all that long ago, when I didn't feel that way all the time! 
I was at Alton Towers over the weekend, when I was there last October I remember I was pretty much okay, but needing to use my inhalers more than I liked, and needing to sit down every so often. This time I felt as though I had 'normal' lungs like everyone else. Obviously, I still took my medications during the day regardless of feeling well, but there was no needing to sit down to discreetly use my inhalers, no concerns about walking across the park, no feeling exhausted due to a combination of episodes of struggling to breathe and disturbed sleep for the same reason. 
Of course the brittle asthma hasn't disappeared, but the past week or so I've felt as though I have 'normal', well controlled asthma..... it's nice to be able to do 'normal' things without having to consider my health and whether I feel up to it. I know this is unlikely to last, I've had little spells like this before and I don't know what causes my lungs to be so well behaved for a little while, then revert back to being a nightmare, but it's nice when it happens! I guess the unpredictability is part of the definition of being brittle?

Due to the disastrous past 5/6 years I've had, I'm under the care of various health professionals; both mental and physical health professionals. The input from the mental health professionals has lessened as time has gone by, and today I was discharged from one service. I've felt for a while that I was ready to be discharged, and I've been happy to have very limited contact with the service as I knew I didn't need their input any longer - today was actually my first and only appointment with them this year. It was so great to hear someone else echo my thoughts, and to get such positive feedback.

Oh, and I love my job! All the hard work over the years to get back to working as a nurse was worth it. I knew it would be, but it was hard to keep going at times. I really thought I'd have a huge problem with my confidence, but it hasn't been anywhere near as bad as I thought. Of course, I'm not 100% confident in the skills and abilities I had years ago, but definitely don't need my hand held quite as much as I anticipated.

So yes, life is smiles and positivity. I'm even feeling motivated, this is not something I come across too often! Little things like taking the time to moisturise my face, planning what I'm going to eat - healthier meals rather than complete junk food, thinking about how I can get some more activity into my day - this one is not easy, but even just walking a little more is a start. Tomorrow, I'm going to clean my little flat top to bottom, and I'm rather looking forward to doing it! lol maybe the discharge from the mental health service was a little premature!!!!!! 


  1. Call the psychiatrist - nobody should look forward to cleaning!!!! This post makes me smile - its about time things started to go right - and glad to see the improved asthma - do you think it has anything to do with the new meds?

    Em xx

    1. Hi lovely! Haha the enjoyment of cleaning wore off very quickly, but I do like the satisfaction that it's now done :) I think the Ciclesonide is definitely making a difference, I've been able to reduce my pred and stay at 20mg, which for me is great. Hope all is going well with you :) xx